2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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