My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
