Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
