I think scott just propositioned me for sex
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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