I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
