In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
