So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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