I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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