Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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