Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
