Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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