I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
