shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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