I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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