1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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