It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
