he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
