My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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