I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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