So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
