i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
