my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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