Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
