He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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