the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
