the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
