Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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