I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
