Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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