I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have fence marks all over my body
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
