I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think people are normalizing furries
My feet surprised me
Randomize
