I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
