How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
