Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
