You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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