Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
