Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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