who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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