so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize