There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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