Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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