True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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