I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This house was built for laser tag.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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