And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize