i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
