I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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