Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
