dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
her facebook's as public as her vagina
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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