The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
