Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She said her name was "party"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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