If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
