Just fell off a train. Bad.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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