Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
