He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
