Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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