he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
