I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
