I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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