Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
