At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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