I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
