do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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