used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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