I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
