I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
