Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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