There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
