Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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