I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
